I cannot convey in words how much you walking out of my life hurts.

I wish you cared. I wish you were sorry. I wish you would stay.

Woaaaaaaah, I haven't written in here for two months! Things have been crrrrrazzzzzzy lately, I never seem to have time for anything anymore, and Ibiza definitely seems more like two years ago that two months.
It's almost November, England has suddenly in the last week turned unbelievably cold, and I am swamped with work ... the joys of being a finalist. I am hoping things will settle down soon and I will be able to write in here again.

Ibiza

Hello, devoted readers!

I'm soooo sorry for being so rubbish at this blogging malarky; I am sure you are all eagerly awaiting the next installment of my oh-so-thrilling life.

Well, right now, I am writing this from Ibiza! It is hot, and I am a little bit sunburnt. I am home next Wednesday, so I will update then. Promise!

Lots of Ibiza Love


Elenita xxxxx

Week One:

Shopaholic Ties The Knot - Sophie Kinsella

Shopaholic and Sister - Sophie Kinsella

Shopaholic and Baby - Sophie Kinsella



Week Two:

Middlesex - Jeffrey Eugenides



Week Three:

Alphabet Weekends - Elizabeth Noble



Weeks Four - Fifteen:

Mr. Maybe - Jane Green

To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee

Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov



Weeks Sixteen - Twenty:

Oranges Are Not The Only Fruit - Jeanette Winterson

Remember Me? - Sophie Kinsella

The Other Boleyn Girl - Philippa Gregory

(College Books: 20)



Weeks Twenty-One - Twenty-Six:

The Double Life of Anna Day - Louise Candlish

Thanks For The Memories - Cecelia Ahern



Week Twenty-Seven:

Breakast at Tiffany's - Truman Capote

Chocolat - Joanne Harris



Week Twenty-Eight:

Notting Hell - Rachel Johnson

Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck

My Sister's Keeper - Jodi Picoult







Total (including college books): 38

Finding My Feet

So, I am really bad at keeping up with this blog sometimes. I just don't feel like writing at times. But now I'm back, all ready to update.

I'm back in England. I can't believe that tomorrow morning, I will have been back an entire month.

My last week was a lot of fun, very busy and very sad too. My leaving party was on the Monday. Around 20 people had been invited, but in the end only nine people including myself were there. That was ok though, it was more than I expected. I was a bit disappointed though; the food didn't seem to taste as great as the first time I went to the restaurant with Cara in January, and somehow hardly anyone really spoke to me, despite it being my party. I'm not all that good at being in the spotlight, and tend to focus on others rather than myself, so I guess I did that. And it probably helped that the only people who turned up are ones I'm not all that close to and some very loud people who like to be the center of attention came, and stole the show. It was a good night, but not really what I hoped for.

I did get to have a great evening with Sandy to say goodbye though on the Thursday. We went to Sausalitos, a Mexican restaurant on the same street as the restaurant the leaving party was held at. It was a lot of fun; Cara and Maria Fe (new girl in the Ascent Office beore Cara arrived, friends with Sandy) came too, and Juan, Sandy's boyfriend of course. The food was awesome, and beforehand Sandy, Juan and I went shopping a little. I haven't seen Sandy since though, and I really miss her. :(

She hates this picture. It makes me laugh (in a good way):

The days at work were a bit rubbish, because I pretty much handed everything over to Cara on the Monday/Tuesday. There wasn't really anything for me to, so Wednesday was spent at home packing my boxes and sending them off with DHL. And on Thursday and Friday, there was a big move in the office, so there was nothing to do anyway. On my very last day, Claudia and Maria gave me a leaving present - a 2GB Mp4 player! I was VERY surprised. And after work, Siri took me out to dinner at Gasteig, which was lovely of her.

I adore this girl:

And then Cara came over to mine, and helped me pack. I ended up having a mini breakdown. I had like twice my luggage allowance and I was so stressed that I would end up paying hundreds of Euros to get it all home. Cara helped me pack, and booked a taxi for me. I cried so much I gave myself a migraine and worried so much I made myself sick. I couldn't sleep all night, and could barely breathe when I was waiting for my taxi.
The driver was great though, he carried all my heavy luggage for me and helped me load it onto a trolley at the airport, and when I got to check in, the lady told me the plane was virtually empty and asked if I had been studying in Germany and was going back home, and I got to take all my luggage for free. :) That took a load of my mind! Because I was of course taking my laptop home, I got to use my new wheely laptop bag for the fir st time. At Siemens, employees can get Siemens and other Siemens related stuff - like Bosch for example - (computers, washing machines, laptop bags, mice, USBs, irons, freezers, etc.) at a discounted price . I got the laptop bag because they are soooo much easier for traveling with, and it only cost me 45€. I looked them up online, and they cost like £175. So, bargain. But anyway, it was the first time I actually used it because when I went home at Easter and in May, I left my computer behind. So I was pulling it along, with my America bag looped over the pully bit. That was fun.
When it came to boarding though, I was really sad. I cried a bit.


Now I am trying to find my feet again at home. I am trying to reorganize my room, so it feels like it's mine again. I have put up postcards of Munich, Paris and Portugal (I was on vacation there for two weeks at the beginning of July) as well as my US license plate collection. I just bought a few more plates to add to it too. :) I have my little American flags in a glass on my dresser, along with a little German one too. I need to find some photos to put on the walls.

1. Go through all my clothes and decide what needs to be replaced and thrown out.

2. Throw out offending items.

3. Reorganize wardrobe and drawers. Make a list of new things I need, and things I have already bought for winter.

4. Reorganize bookcase and bookshelf. Find somewhere for growing collection of college books. Work out what needs selling, and for how much.

5. Get frame for Premonition poster. Put on wall.

6. Tody/clear out bedside table. Organize medicine box. Stock up on meds if necessary (paracetemol, ibuprofen, etc. - i'm not a drug addict!!!)

7. Budget!! Decide what to ask for for birthday. Start thinking about Christmas (people always ask what I want and I never know. I need to think about these things early, as well as plan what to give other people - my favorite part! I love giving gifts!)

8. Reply to letters from Elina, Chelsea, Karie and Amy. Organize envelopes of things I am supposed to be sending to people. Order stamps.

I feel very strange at home. Like I don't really belong anymore. I didn't realize quite how much Munich had changed me until I came back here.

I don't have a car here anymore, and even though I didn't have one in Munich, I was in a huge city and there was great, inexpensive public transport. Now I am in a tiny rural village in the provinces and I really rely on my mum to drive me places, or expensive buses. :( I feel quite trapped I guess, like my independence has been taken away from me. I suppose in a way it has. My parents just kinda disregard what I have been doing for the past year, and treat me like I am 14 again.

I never thought I would want to move away from here permanently; now I can't wait.

I'm still waiting to hear whether I passed this year or not. I have no idea when I will find out, but I hope it's soon. It's driving me crazy not knowing. I hope I have passed. More than that though, I hope I have done well.

I'm excited about the future. I can't wait for the challenges I will be faced with from now on.

:) I may not fit in here right now, but there's stuff to look forward to, plans to make. I'm happy.

What a load of drivvel that was. I'm not even drunk :s

Just a Quickie

Hmm, here's a thought ... is it "quickie" or "quicky"? Either way, the more I say it in my head, I hate that word.

Anyways, this is just going to be a quick post, because I need to update - i will write properly tomorrow. So much is going on in my head right now; I have only 10 days left in Germany and I am trying to prepare myself for the massive change of being back at home, I have a splitting headache and sore feet, colleagues are irritating me to within an inch of my sanity (seriously), my apartment (too nice a word for this disgusting ghetto that is never cleaned), need sleep .... that kinda thing. I'm eating bread and honey, it's delicious. I'm about to start reading a new book. Geek girl is back. Ha.

But I thought I would say hola seeing as I was online.

17 Days ...

... is how many days I have left in Germany!!!!! 13 working days and two weekends. So right now, my room is full of large moving boxes because I have soooo much stuff here and I need to pack it all up to ship home. I have seven, all full, a large suitcase (not yet full), a large holdall (empty) and a room full of things. I sure hope I'm gonna get it all packed, because I am rubbish at throwing stuff out.

I'm also trying to organize a goodbye party. :D We're going to this really nice restaurant chain called Maredo. It does Latin Americany/Spanishy food and is soooooo delicious, and not expensive. I'm so excited. I love going out to eat, but I only really get the chance at home (when my parents are paying haha) and sometimes with friends in Liverpool, but here not at all, so I am really looking forward to it.

My replacement Cara is coming out in about a week and a half too, so I'm excited to get to see her again. We only have one week here together, but I think that there will be lots of funny stories, and funny pictures that week.

This is what we got up to last time she was here:




(We were dressing up as caterpillars!).

Last week my college work for this year was due in. I had to write a 2000 word log book chronicaling my experiences here, as well as a 3000 word research paper (I wrote about the White Rose Movement and the memory culture that has developed in Germany since the end of
the war) in German. I mailed it off on Wednesday, two days before the deadline, and by the end of it, I was quite proud. :) All through May I was stressing about it, but once I had done all my research and started writing it up, it flowed quite nicely.
So much so that I decided to apply for the new dissertation module which has been added to our module choices for senior year. You have to apply because your academic grades count towards whether you are allowed to do it or not, and I am allowed to do it!! I was so happy, because I really enjoyed doing independent research and writing up an essay on what I had found out.
My dissertation is going to be on the European Union and whether it is beneficial for Germany or not, and whether expansion will be advantageous or not. I don't know yet whether I have to write in English or German; English would obviously be easier (it's 10-12,000 word) but I am prepared to accept the challenge if it's in German. I have no idea yet whether I have got places on the other modules I selected, but I hope so. I will be doing two electives, core language and the dissertation module each semester. I'm so excited about next year!!

Well, that's about all for now, I have no idea what else to write right now.
I'm listening to some really cool Cajun music by Blind Uncle Gaspard and Ann Savoy. I love it! You should go check it out!!


Lots of Love xx

Back By Popular Demand

Ok, not really, but I haven't written in here for aaaaaaaages, so I figured I'd better start again.

I also have a super fun questionnaire to fill out, thanks to Katie who is sooooooo right when she says I love to fill them out. It's kinda sad, but I actually really do. Ha, I'm such an eight year old!!
But here goes:


Here are the rules:

1. The rules of the game get posted at the beginning.
2. Each player answers the questions about themselves.
3. At the end of the post, the player then tags five people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know they’ve been tagged and asking them to read the player’s blog.
4. Let the person who tagged you know when you’ve posted your answer.


What were you doing 5 years ago?

That's a pretty tough question actually, five years is a long time ago!!
1. I went on my first ever trip to Germany on the school exchange program to Schwäbisch Hall (near Stuttgart).
2. I was waiting for my AS results and thinking about college options.
3. I was excited about going on vacation to Greece. (I LOVE Greece)
4. I was preparing for my 18th birthday that September and looking for a dress for the charity ball my parents took me to.
5. I was falling in love for the very first time (at least, I thought I was at the time).


What are 5 things on your to-do list today (not in any particular order)?

1 Take a shower before bed.
2. Tidy up my room a little.
3. Read some of my book.
4. Plan what I want to wear tomorrow.
5. Go to bed.
(it's like 10pm now, there aren't that many thing I have left to do today!!)


What are 5 snacks you enjoy?

1. Cookies. :) Yummy.
2. Dried Apricots.
3. Bread (Ciabatta or Baguette especially) and Olive Oil with little bits of red pepper and random spices mixed with a splash of vinegar.
4. Ben and Jerry's Bohemian Raspberry or Chunky Monkey ice cream with fresh raspberries and chopped up banana (also doubles as dessert = two for the price of one!!).
5. Carrot Sticks with Tzatziki.


What 5 things would you do if you were a billionaire?

1. Invest in properties all over the place.
2. Give a load to my parents, because they have supported me so much (financially and otherwise) throughout my whole entire life.
3. Go on a massive shopping trip. Shallow, but I would; no point in lying. *lol*
4. Give a load to cancer research charities, as well as children's charities, and other needy causes like schools and hospitals in disaster areas like New Orleans.
5. I would go traveling; firstly with my dream road trip across every state in the Union.


What are 5 of your bad habits?

1. I talk too much, and usually drivvel.
2. I have rubbish concentration and get bored too easily.
3. I can be quite flighty, and selfish. :(
4. I'm quite lazy.
5. I still bite my nails


What are 5 places you have lived?

1. Nottingham, England (home)
2. Winnenden, Germany (approx. 20km north east of Stuttgart - gap year)
3. Liverpool, England (college)
4. Munich, Germany (junior year internship :D)
5. Sunset Beach, CA (just as soon as i get my green card, publish my novels and enough funds to buy my beach huse :) )


What are 5 jobs you've had?

1. Babysitter to some super kids (Olivia and Miles, now very much grown up :) ) and some not so super kids (Michael and Anna - Anna was cute, especially when she was a toddler, but Michael was devil spawn), and some kids with crazy health freak parents (Emma and Daniel, though I never actually met the kids cos they were always asleep when I arrived) who never had anything fun to eat (cos that's what babysitting is all about) and didn't own a TV.
2. Sales Assistant at the local gas station. Where I met The Boy. :s
3. Intern at Siemens, once in Stuttgart, once in Munich.
4. Novelist (ongoing, not yet a real job because I don't get paid for it but whatever).
5. General Dogsbody around my house. I will do pretty much anything in exchange for cash. (That sounds wrong, but you know what I mean).


What 5 people do you want to tag?

I can't tag anyone because Katie is the only person I know who has a blog, and she tagged me already!


Well that's all for now folks. Gotta get to bed!

xxx

Psalm 119:28

I weep with sorrow; encourage me with your word.

This Is Me

creative; a writer, a photographer, an actress, a singer, a producer? .. maybe someday .. . sensitive, passionate, tortured. an artist. a dreamer.

ambitious, determined, driven. adventurous.

political, a capitalist, opinionated.

anti-european.

spiritual. a fatalist.

patriotically british. a little american at heart. a linguist. a traveler.

paradoxical, contradictory, multi-faceted.

a student. taking the wrong program. at the wrong institution.

a businesswoman. a PR girl.

a daughter. a sister. a mom .. one day. the love of someone’s life?

a country girl in the city, sometimes. a city girl in the country, sometimes.

a superstar.

i believe that the things you are afraid of are the things that are the most worthwhile.

i like to challenge myself.

i believe in love and that there is good in everyone. except me.

i forgive too easily, but if you push me too far, it’s game over.

if i inspire just one person, i will die happy.

Thoughts, Mulling Around In My Head

There's a dad outside my window, looking after his baby, who is sitting a nice dark blue stroller, and playing with his toddler on the grass. She (the toddler) is wearing a cute pink coat and a little white hat.

I'm thinking about what you said. But I just can't see it. It's going round and round in my head, I just can't see you doing what that guy is doing.

Productivity

So, I kinda gave up on my book a week thing, which I feel very rubbish about. In eleven weeks, I have read three books and started one which I subsequently have given up on.

Weeks Four - Fifteen:

Mr Maybe - Jane Green

To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov

And I started and gave up on:
The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini

I'm sorry, I know I was supposed to love that book, but I really didn't get into it at all.
I will try and read it again sometime, but for now I want to focus on reading all the other books I have! I didn't bring so many back with me after Easter, because I already have so much stuff to be shipped back and my dad is already freaking out about it. I have maybe three boxes of books alone, including my huge German dictionary, so I only brought back a few of the ones I ordered from Amazon in January/February. But airports always have great offers on books, so I picked up a few on my way back. Two were on Buy One Get One Half Price, and one hasn't been released as paperback in regular bookstores yet, but it has at airports and I really don't want to wait a whole year for it, so I got it there. So I have loads to be cracking on with.

I also finally started my Year Abroad Essay this week. My lecturer suggested a title for me (he didn't like the one I came up with), but it was a bit dry I thought, so I spent literally weeks mulling over what I could use instead, then finally at like 3.30 a.m. one night, the best one came to me out of the blue. I was so happy, and finally felt like I could start to write, although I was planning to start anyway and then go back and change the title as and when genius struck, because I was starting to freak out about time running out (it has to be handed in June 7th).
So I finally started this week, and I now have a complete introduction! It has to be 3000 words in total, so I still have a lot to do, obviously, but now I at least feel like I am getting somewhere. I like that feeling!

Ok, I'm gonna go read my new book!!!

xxxx

One in a Million

"You're one in a million, you're once in a lifetime, you made me discover one of the stars above us."

I have that song stuck in my head. If you don't know it, it's called One in a Million by Bisson, and was used in the dance of the final pageant scene in Miss Congeniality (yes, that is the poster, just in case you have no idea what I am talking about). I love that song. It's cheesy Europop at it's best. But now it's stuck in my head, and starting to grate.

Actually, speaking of Miss Congeniality ... I recently read that Sandra Bullock was in New York on 9/11 and saw the whole thing, and immediately went to a hospital to volunteer help and spent the whole day emailing people on behalf of patients who wanted to let their families know they were safe. What a nice lady!

Sooo, my Americanness is coming along nicely! Haha. Just a quick explanation of why we use American English here, because I too expected it to be British English: we are organizing an international conference and the international English is American English (apparently). And also, I am working with people from Latin America and other places where they have learnt American English in school or wherever, and most people watch American TV shows and movies, so everything they say is pretty much American, or some bizarre mixture of British and American. And so many people have trouble understanding me when I speak British. Grr.

I figured though, Americans spell more logically ... take neighborhood for example. In British, there is a "u" between the "o" and the "r". WHY?!! It doesn't make any sense!! You don't need it!!

The weather here is awesome right now. It's pretty cold still, but the sky is a clear, deep blue and there are only tiny fluffy clouds dotted about, and we have the most spectactular view of the Austrian mountains from the office. I feel like I am on vacation whenever I look out the window! :o)

xxx

Walking In Heels

Pre-GSCEs, I generally wore shoes to school which had something of a heel.

Post-GSCEs, in the Sixth Form, I frequently broke the rules and wore stilettos with a six inch heels to school.

Then I moved to Stuttgart, where it was winter. And snowy. And icy. Stilettos on ice are a really bad idea. So, I wore trainers, and haven't really stopped since. Now my feet (and my slightly too long trousers and jeans) are suffering, so I have started to wear proper leather footwear most of the time. I am "training" myself to wear heels again, but my God it's hard.

I have also started speaking/writing like an American. :s I know, after years and years of saying American is not English, I am morphing into one. But here hardly anyone understands my accent or my British vocabulary, plus all documents and things have to be written in American English, so it's kinda better if I am more "fluent" in American. I think everyone is getting annoyed when I say "noooooooo, it's not organiZed, it's organiSed". Haha.
Maybe I should change my blog from 'Parisian Wannabe' to 'American Wannabe'. Ha.

Until soon my lovelies,

The Wannabe American xx

Congratulations:

Congratulations: I officially hate you.

You may have managed to alienate everyone else around you, but I can see through your act.

And I don't like what I find.

This Morning, I Discovered ...

This morning, I discovered that my toothbrush had been moved from its usual home in the bathroom, to a pile of around 3 inches of DUST.

Yes, that's right. DUST.

I was suitably disgusted.

Where Has It Gone?!

The title of this post refers to my creativity, my imagination, my inspiration, my finesse, whatever you wish to call it ... it's GONE.

disappeared

Every photograph I take is rubbish. Not nearly good enough to put in my gallery or portfolio.

I know, my photography needs a lot of work, but I have zero ideas of what to photograph. I have a creative block, and a huge desire to get out there and take pictures.

Not good.

Every word I write is utter nonsense.

I am working on The Novel, but it's inane. It doesn't flow, there are no marvellously crafted sentences. That can, of course, be rectified with some editing. The main thing is to get the story down on the page. The problem is, I have no idea where the story is going. My characters are standing still, they have found themselves in a situation to which they do not know how to react. I am trying to think for them; what would I do? What should they do? How would they react? I impress the difference between I and They here, because they are of course their own multi-faceted personalities, and my own reactions to a situation may, and in fact frequently does, differ from theirs.

When I write, I start with a jumping off point, so to speak. A place from which my story will begin, and a place where it will end - or a rough idea of how it will end at least. The middle of the story forms itself throughout the writing process. The characters' actions cannot be planned meticulously, as ideas and twists frequently come to mind between beginning and end. Some find themselves included, many more disgarded, filed to the back of my mind for another story, another book, another time.

I have reached Chapter Five now, and the journey my two main characters are on has well and truly started. In order to bring them a little more to life right now, we shall call them Jason and Kylie, although of course, these are not their "real" names. As their "real" names are subject to change, we will for now stick with slightly more comical versions.

So, as I said, Jason and Kylie have begun their irreversible journey, and are already beyond the starting post. But now they are stuck; they are unsure of what to do next, which road to take, as am I, and they are not thinking for me. The temptation here is to waffle, to try and pad out the moments between significant events, and to put too much of myself into their characters and potentially take the story into an entirely different direction to the one in which it is headed. It has to cross the designated finishing line, but right now, I have absolutely NO idea of how it is going to get there.

If you find my inspiration, send it back to me with a flea in its ear. :)

Snow, Tea and Other General Ramblings

So, I haven't really posted anything worth reading lately, and to be honest, there isn't that much to report anyway, but I felt like I should update with something vaguely interesting.

The snow has come back to Munich, and it is freeeeeeezing! But it is also very sunny and there are blue skies, so I am happy. :) I have a headache though, which isn't too pleasant, but I have water and tea and paracetomol, so I am hoping it will get better.
It's only 9.44 a.m. here, as I write this, but already I have good feelings about today. I woke up earlier than normal, and was actually able to get out of bed earlier than usual too, with the result that I was at work earlier. Of course that put me in a good mood, and the bright blue sky and sun didn't do any harm. :)


I also tried some new tea last week. Well, it's not new tea but it's new to me. Katie wrote in her blog about Rooibos tea, and said that it was worth trying, so I thought "hmm, why not?" and tried it, and it's soooo nice. It's kinda like normal tea (by which I mean what is commonly known as 'English Breakfast Tea' to non-Brits, but is the most common kind of tea in the UK. ... Mmm Tetley ... I have a lovely hot cup sitting here beside the computer :) ) but it's not as strong and has a slightly different flavour. I have only tried it without milk because I never put milk in any tea apart from "normal tea" but I read that they put milk in Rooibos in South Africa (because it is African tea), so I am going to try that today.
Carlos is feeling a bit under the weather today, and Milena just told him to drink more water. I agreed, and said that he should have some tea too. They all laughed!!! I am offended ... clearly they do not understand the magical healing properties of tea. But they do exist. Honest.

In other news, I haven't been reading much (at all :( ) lately, because of my headaches and just general tiredness. I feel bad, like I have let myself down because I was so determined to read at least one book a week, but seriously when you are working full time and not even travelling on a train or bus long enough to read (if I take the bus, it's two minutes...), it is really difficult. After staring at the computer all day, the last thing I want to do when I get home is concentrate on a book, particularly because I'm not just reading "mindless Chick Lit", it requires a bit more concentration from my small brain. Also, I don't have that many books here which can be read in a week, without seriously overstressing my eyes.All my books here are long and small print, and best left for the holidays when I have hours and hours of free time to do nothing but laze around and lose myself in the plot. Man, I cannot wait for summer when I can do that!!
I have so much to do before then though, and top of the list is my year abroad essay, on which I have had absolutely no time to concentrate lately. As well as being generally tired, I got tonsilitis a couple of weeks ago, and it really knocked me for six. I went to the Betriebsarzt - the doctor at work, because they don't charge you. They dont have a central, socialised medical system here, and like in the States or Australia, or pretty much anywhere actually, you need medical insurance. Of course I have this, in the form of my E111 card, but the problem is, you have to pay first and then claim it back, and as I am on a fairly tight budget (which I literally cannot stick too, I always need to supplement it with money from my English account), I am obviously only likely to use it in a dire emergency (like if I stabbed or something, which I really do hope doesn't happen, but you see my point). So anyway, I went to the Betriebsarzt and they told me I had tonsilitis and gave me some anti-biotics, which have helped, but my glands are still a bit swollen and they didn't properly understand what I was trying to say because I didn't know some of the words in German (like glands), and I am still really really tired, so I am going to doctor at home in a couple of weeks to make sure everything is ok, but because I am so tired, I don't have the energy to focus on my project, which I fear is baaaaaaaaad.
In case you are interested, I am writing about The White Rose Movement, which was a resistance group led by Hans and Sophie Scholl during the war here in Munich, at the university. They were reported to the Gestapo and beheaded for their "crimes". My paper is on memory culture and how their legacy has lived on in the German memory. It's only 3000 words, so I can't delve too deeply into it, which is probably good because as you may have noticed, I am good at digressing!, but it really does narrow my scope of what to write about and means I have to be super selective. I currently have an essay plan, a start of a bibliography and a title, which my supervisor has suggested I reword slightly. I really need to crack on it with it, but I have no idea where to start, no time to think about it properly and no money for the books I need to buy. Grrrrr. Oh yeah, and it has to be auf Deutsch. :s

On the upside, my photography is gaining some recognition, which pleases me. I am getting more and more favourites and I even have a watcher now. :) I know I'm not all that good, and only an amateur, but I love it and I can feel myself improving, so it is nice to know that people are a) looking at my stuff and b) like it. I am glad that I have found a hobby which I can really get into. It's taken a while to find something that really excites me; in school I used to try everything but almost always gave up with it. I get bored easily and need change regularly, especially if something isn't quite what I want, so it's nice to finally have found "my thang". Haha.

Anyway, I'm sure you are all asleep by now, so I will shut up.

Have a happy Thursday!

xxxx

Confession

I'm sorry that I lied to you.

But I did it for your own good. And mine.

You know when you feel like everything makes sense;

you're clear about who you are,

what you want from life,

what you believe in,

what you feel,

and then something happens and all that is swept away,

and nothing makes sense anymore:

you're out of control,

in

free fall.

With no idea where you're headed.

And no way to control it.

No option but to let gravity do its thing.

That's how I feel right now.

The only problem is,

I don't have the free falling feeling of a parachutist.

I have the free falling feeling of an astronaut.

Who let go.

Things I Love

In 'The History Boys', Alan Bennett wrote:

"The best moments in reading are when you come across something- a thought, a feeling, a way of looking at things- which you had thought special and particular to you. Now here it is, set down by someone else, a person you have never met, someone even who is long dead. And it is as if a hand has come out and taken yours."

I love that feeling.
It makes me feel like less of a freak.
It reminds me that I am not alone in the world.







I also love:

1. Brand new pots of moisturiser.

2. Long sunny days and blue skies.

3. This cream cheese I have found in Germany. It has herbs and garlic in it, and has a moussey texture. It's delectable. I could eat it every day for dinner. And in fact do, most days. :)

4. Laughing until I cannot breathe.

5. Learning new things.




Spring is coming; days are getting longer, the sun shines most days and the sky is cloudlessly blue.
Last weekend, on our trees, I found tiny leaf buds on the ends of the branches.
Everything is coming back to life.
Life is good. :)

Greetings from the Ghetto

My flat in Munich is in the horriblest part of the city; it is miles from anywhere apart from work and it is full of German pikeys. My flat itself is grotty inside. It has horrible, dirty carpet and poor lighting, and I live with slovenly people. I miss home comforts here so much. I took some photos, but it photographs better than it really is.

Living here makes me even more determined to make millions and live in a Belgravia palace. :)

It's February!

It's February! Woop woop!

I love February! It's not my favourite month, but it's no longer January, and it's shorter than all the other months, which is fine by me.
There's snow on the ground, and I'm going to Subway for lunch. Woo, my life is exciting.

Haha. xx

A Day in the Life

7.37 a.m.: I wake up three minutes before the alarm goes off. It's grey outside and warm in my bed; little rays of light are trickling through the gaps where my venetian blinds are pushed against the window by the various things on the window sill. It's still dark enough to go straight back to sleep. I switch off the alarm function and roll over.

7.57 a.m.: I roll around in bed for a while, enjoying the warmth and softness of the duvet. Wishing it was Saturday, I finally drag myself out of my warm, comfortable bed and with a sorrowful glance at the bed, head off to the bathroom, where I open the window wide to let in lots of fresh air while I have my shower.

8.22 a.m.: Still wet from the shower, I arrive back at my room and instantly congratulate myself on being quicker than I thought. A mad flurry ensues as I attempt to choose an outfit, put on make up and take a wealth of vitamin and mineral tablets.

8.55 a.m.: I have one and a half minutes to straighten my hair and leave the house. My hair is naturally straight, but now it is shorter and layered, it has acquired a bit of a wave at the front. It looks ok, but I only really leave it at the weekend to give my hair a break from the straightners. I pull the red hot straightners through my hair, narrowly missing my little finger as I hold out bits of hair.

8.57 a.m.: Hair still not straightened to my fastidious requirements. I clamp down the irons and pull hard, the run my fingers through my hair. It seems ok, but I'm not sure how well it will hold out through the day. Don't have time to think about it though, and moments later I'm out of the door.

9.02 a.m.: I check the time on the digital clock at the entrance to work, and scan my ID badge which permits my entry. Then I'm through the doors to my building, up in the lift and arrive safely on the seventh floor. I take off my coat, unforward the phone to message bank and set up my computer.

9.12 a.m.: After a quick email and Facebook check for messages, I am putting data into the online database. Fun times.

9.30 a.m.: I realise I left my teabags at home again and that I need to buy milk. Make myself a delicious cup of Green Tea with Orange and Lotus Flower. It will be my first of many, I think.

10.35 a.m.: I'm still inputting data into the online database. I have so much to do today, and am contemplating delegating some to our new Chinese intern, Weng. I am loathe to do this, because he doesn't seem to know what he's doing and if he does it wrong and I need to re-do, it will waste more time. I'm working my way through Danish nominations, and come to a company I can't find in the system. I search for their webpage, but it's only in Danish!! I find contact details, but no idea of what the company is and which industry it belongs to. I impress myself by understanding a fair bit of the text - it's similar to English and German - but am wasting time by trying to understand.

10.45 a.m.: I resort to Wikipedia. I feel slightly ashamed.

11.06 a.m.: An hour until lunch, and I am starving.

1.13 p.m.: Get back from lunch; risotto and pasta in tomato sauce. Sit back down to work; still inputting Denmark's data. It's going to be a long afternoon. :(

2.30 p.m.: Have finally finished the Denmark nominations. The boss is on holiday as of tomorrow, so we have a team meeting about what needs to be done. After meeting, start entering nominations from Italy.

3.32 p.m.: I have had enough of data inputting and nominations. Am ready to jump out of the window. Counting down the minutes until home time. 87.

4.44 p.m.: 16 minutes to go ....... .

5.38 p.m.: I was too late for the bus, so had to walk home in the rain. I was glad I remembered my umbrella! It's grey outside and drizzling - perfect weather to put on pyjamas and curl up with a book! When I have finished this, I will read for a while, then take a shower and snuggle down in bed for a lovely long sleep. :D

Paaaaaaaaaain

I have got a SPLITTING headache from behind my left eye to the back of my neck. The sun is shining and reflecting off the windows in a neighbouring building, the sky is bright through the window, striking my eye like a knife. The lights are on too, the bright artificial light reflecting up from the huge white paper pad on my desk, on which my laptop sits and millions of important notes are written, infiltrating my peripheral vision. I'm in the office, staring at the computer.
There's no escape from bright light.
Every time I move my head, it feels like a cord being tugged from the back of my neck, pulling my brain and my eyes backwards. It's sore.

There's a nerve in my right arm which is trapped. It shifts from time to time, but my whole arm aches. A dull ache with occasional sharp pains. My elbow hurts, I can't rest on it and the skin is sore when anything touches it, even lightly. My third finger and my little finger tingle, a bit like pins and needles. The bone on the far side of my wrist - the bit that connects my little finger and my arm - is delicate and painful. My arm feels heavy and a burden. It's like it has just been stuck on my body and shouldn't be there. I have so little energy or strength in it, it just hangs limply by my side and hurts.

My legs ache from sitting down all day. My toes are sore from being closeted into trainers which aren't meant to be worn for prolonged periods of time.

My body is weary from early mornings, being in the office from 9-5 and a lack of B vitamins.
I feel old.

Stepping Back in Time

Germany is a bit like stepping back in time for a Brit who is used to 24 hour supermarkets, Sunday opening hours, etc. Sunday's are especially bad, because nothing is open. :(

I don't like Sundays.

Light

I LOVE light. I always feel better and happier when the sky is a rich blue and there is sunlight streaming through the windows and showering me when I step outside. And when it is dark or grey outside, I like lots of artificial light.
Reason: I can see better. It keeps me happy.

My room is lovely and light now. That was one thing I was really struggling with in this room, because I have very little natural light, days are shorter and I don't have much artificial light either. Obviously my new super cool lamp has altered that, but today I made it even better.

One: I changed the bed. I love fresh bedding, and I have changed it from my very cool purple and beige set, which is very patterned and kinda dark (in comparison with my other set) to my cream and pink set. The sheet and bottom pillow cases are bright pink and the duvet and upper pillow cases are cream with pink embroidered flowers (diagonally from the top left corner to the bottom right corner of the duvet and on the far right side of the pillow cases, with the result that it is mainly cream and bright :o) ).

Two: I pulled the dark blue venetian blinds down on the window. Germans don't have curtains, so besides the venetian blinds, I only have some hideous patterned lacy net thing across the window. Yuck. Also, it means that all the light escapes at night, and people can see in. :o(
So now I have pulled down the blinds and it is lighter and feels kinda cosier. It's still a dump though, but it's ok.

I added some new pictures to my dA today: www.elenamay.deviantart.com and one of them was favourited before I even got from the bit about whether I want to sell it as a print to the actual page for it.
*pride*

A Busy Old Week!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1uwOL4rB-go&feature=related

That video is so funny; I definitely recommend that you watch it. (but don't get offended).

I need to get better at writing in my blog. Once a week is shocking.

But last week was AWESOME!



I had a visitor from Wednesday until Friday morning - a friend from uni, Cara, who came over for a job interview to take over from me. And she got it!! Yay Cara! And we had such fun while she was here; on Wednesday night we went to Pizza Hut and talked and talked and talked, which was so lovely! Then on Thursday, we went to a Mexican restaurant in town. We had a blast - we laughed so much and ate the most delicious food. I will definitely be coming to visit her when she is here!



I also read one of the best books I have read in a long time.



Week 3:
Alphabet Weekends - Elizabeth Noble


It took me a while to get into it, but once I did, it was so good!

This week we had more job interviews; two girls got offered jobs on the spot, and the guy we interviewed is probably going to get the job too!
One of the girls, Catharina, isn't going to be working in our team though, which is a shame because she was really nice. She is going to be working with Claudia though, so hopefully we will still see her at lunch and things. :) The other girl, Milena, is from Bulgaria and is going to start with us next week!

And possibly my most exciting news; last night I finally found a desk lamp for my room. Wow, what an excitinhg life I lead. But seriously, it's so cool! It is just a standard, slightly posh looking desk lamp, but it also has this little extra bit that's a lava lamp! It's awesome, and it cost less than 10€!! haha i need to get out more.

Well, that's all for now because I have literally nothing to write about!

xx

January Blues

Ok, so I have the January blues, tinged with a little homesickness.
For me, January is the post-Christmas come down; cold weather, dark mornings and a long wait until the next holiday. And worse, this year I am away from home and away from England with not enough time to go home for weekends like I do at uni. :(

But on the bright side, the days here are sunny with lots of blue sky, the evenings are at last drawing out so it is no longer dark when I leave work and arrive home (if I go straight there), and possibly best of all, I have brought back with me a three series box set of one of my favourite TV shows - 'The House of Eliott', a BBC series from the late 80s/early 90s about two sisters effectively left with nothing when their father dies and how they end up founding their own fashion house. It's set in the 1920s and I have seen every 50-minute episode a million times since I first discovered it aged 13 or 14. It (in addition to Daphne Du Maurier's 'Rebecca') is responsible for my falling in love with that era. I am only on episode six of series one, so I have ages to go until the end. I am rationing how often I watch it, so I can enjoy it for longer. :o)
I also have with me box sets of the 1995 BBC adaptation of 'Pride and Prejudice', which I haven't watched for years, 'Bleak House' and the 1997 ITV adapatation of my beloved 'Rebecca', in addition to a variety of movies which I didn't ask to be sent over with my dad. I am thoroughly looking forward to watching each and every one in the coming months.
And of course, I have my many books. I think I counted 28 unread ones on my Munich shelves (several more at home in Nottingham). I am here until the end of "Calendar Week" 26 ... can I read them all? I don't think so. Among them is 'Anna Karenina'. It is incredibly long and, as it is Russian, and Tolstoy at that, rather complicated, especially for someone as small brained as myself. Nevertheless, I intend to give it a go; just not yet. Haha.


I am trying to make myself read faster, because I think I am quite slow at it. Long books with small type in a "at least one book a week" timescale will, I am sure, help.
So far I have stuck to this resolution:

Week 1:
Shopaholic Ties The Knot - Sophie Kinsella
Shopaholic and Sister - Sophie Kinsella
Shopaholic and Baby - Sophie Kinsella


Week 2:
Middlesex - Jeffrey Eugenides


I am quite pleased with this. I no longer travel for over an hour on trains, plus waiting times, and I am working full time.

I am looking forward to heading out to Portugal in July. Long sun-drenched days, cheap shopping, beaches, and best of all ... lots of time for reading!
I'm such a geek. Haha.


In other news, I have added a new photograph to my dA. Without boasting, I am quite pleased with it. You can view it here: http://elenamay.deviantart.com/art/Red-Sky-At-Night-74371883
I can feel my photography improving all the time, and I am considering selling some of my work as prints. But I'm not sure. I don't know if anyone would buy them. If you look at my work and think it is worth selling, please let me know. :o)

Goodbye 2007, Hello 2008

Okie dokie folks, it's 2008, so first of all ...
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

2007 was a big year for me, and I achieved lots of things. I don't stick to new year's resolutions, so i'm not making any for 2008, instead setting myself some goals of things I want to achieve. I think I have more chance of achieving them if I make them goals, rather than "resolving" to do something.

Things I achieved in 2007:
1. Beating Depression. (as much as I think it is possible to do)
2. Surviving Six Months Away From Home.
3. Taking up and Sticking To A New Hobby.
4. Improving My German To A (practically) Fluent Standard.
5. Visiting Paris Alone.
6. Getting My Hair Cut.
7. Making New Friends At Uni.


Things I want to achieve in 2008:
1. Read At Least One Book A Week.
2. Finish My Novel.
3. Learn Portuguese.
4. Forget About The Boy.
5. Be Healthier. (eat better, drink more water, exercise more)
6. Improve and Expand My Photography Skills.
7. Manage My Time Better.
8. Lose Weight and Tone Up.
9. Be Better With Money.
10. Take Up A New Hobby. (and stick to it)
11. Start Learning French Again.
12. Visit A New City.


My motto for 2008:
"The brave may not live forever, but the cautious do not live at all."